Saturday, April 30, 2016

Museum Break Over, I Hear the Pagoda Chimes Ringing

...There once were three goats from Pawtucket*
Several weeks after I broke cover to check out "Indigenous Beauty" at the Toledo Museum of Art, I returned to reacquaint myself with its permanent exhibits. Wednesday's trip was a gratifying and luxurious solo jaunt. Surprising, too, in that while I vaguely remembered liking the museum from decades past (eesh), I didn't recall specific works. This, sadly, no longer surprises me -- but what did give me a jolt was the repeated experience of approaching a painting, recognizing it, and thinking,"Oh, I used to like this one." It was never with the excitement of continued pleasure, or familiar resonance, but only a past affinity, paired with its present lack. Odd. I stood before several of these, trying to puzzle out why they reached me before no longer held appeal. One was an El Greco -- I realize the absurdity of jill schmoe blogging,"But seriously? El Greco isn't all that~"...but nevertheless I stood before it (and others) only to be nagged by an odd wonder.

Where did the connecting threads go? We know that tastes develop and our life experiences impact us. But to what degree? How differently was the younger M fueled? If you were to ask me whether my visual artistic tastes have changed *significantly* over the years, I would have said no; but this experience stands in opposition. But maybe, too, it's the same thing as revisiting a novel and finding sympathy with characters who seemed unlikable or unneeded before; or becoming impatient with a prose style that once seemed masterful. The changing reader focus strikes me as right and good, so I guess it's less disquieting in that context.

That said, an unencumbered museum day is a lovely day! I wandered through galleries, running my phone battery down with excessive photos, while Javier texted me photos from his office, of Oyo hugging and touching a boy roughly her age, who looked confused, if not anxious. I wouldn't be surprised if the future little girl strides up to peers, telling them: "Hello! We're friends."      

New Favorites, Hello New Friends:

1.                                   The Shepherd's Star, Jules Breton, 1887
An Idealized image, sure -- but the quality of light, her erect bearing and beauty, the curved metal blade completely believable. I love all of it. A French painter depicting agrarian scenes from his native region. From museum label: "Breton's paintings present a romanticized view of the French peasant as the heroic embodiment of a traditional, idyllic, and noble way of life." As always, much more enjoyable to watch someone carrying a sack of potatoes while barefoot, than to actually do it.



2.                        Don Giovanni de Medici, by Agnolo Bronzino, about 1551
A 1500s portrait of a child that looks like a child. It is impossible to go museuming without seeing creepy children on the walls. Wooden children. Strange little alien children. Possibly happy children, but weird, skewed, off. Babies with elderly faces** and plank-like elongated torsos; babies and children that clearly predate the modern conception of childhood.

But here, Don Giovanni, son in a prominent family, looks solemn -- already weighed down by some adult-sized responsibilities -- but look, too, at the soft roundness of his cheeks, his bow lips. I could see him spouting some adultish remarks before doing something contrary; or running off in fear of punishment. Do you see what I see?  Museum label tells us that he was destined for the church at 7 by his parents; admitted to the clergy at 8 (reputed time of painting). Made a Cardinal at 17, and dead from fever by 19. So, take a moment to bask in the child's beauty, where there was not much childhood to be had; and this from a very privileged family.

Bronzino, a Florentine mannerist painter, served as the court painter for Cosimo I de Medici, Grand Duke of Tuscany, starting in his late thirties. If you're like me, his most famous painting is one you know without knowing you do:
 
not quite creepy. child in upper left in ecclesiastical dress. odd dog from same painting.

3. And now for something completely different. This doesn't qualify as a favorite in the same sense as numbers 1&2 -- it doesn't resonate -- but its stunning ostentation stopped me in my tracks. I leave you with the...
                                                          Pagoda Organ Clock 
                                                        see also: Too Much Money, What to Do?
TMA tells visitors this British clock from the 1780s reflects "the popular taste for Chinese design...a pipe organ inside played exotic tunes while tiny ships sailed across the landscapes on the sides of the clock. Bells struck the hours and quarter hours." My first thought was that this would have been a blast to play around, to construct stories with diminutive dolls. On second thought, however, such a mansion to house such a clock would likely have a nursery floor, much less ornate dollhouses. But myyyyy goodness, such golden intricacy! Did the homeowners order this specially, after a trip abroad? Or did inspired clockmakers construct them and bring them to prospective customers? Were servants in awe of it, or did they loathe its need to be dusted? Or possibly under glass even while new? Curious for backstory.


In terms of cultural misappropriation, the museum's website noted the misconceptions flew both ways, as wealthy Chinese bought these European-made clocks: "The Chinese viewed these chinoiserie clocks as typical examples of European manufacture and taste, whereas the Europeans misinterpreted the Chinese enthusiasm for them as testimony to their 'Chinese' qualities and appropriated them as decorations for fashionable chinoiserie interiors."

*Edward Lear actually a painter by profession!
**Yes, that DOES happen all the time, in life. but no, these would be babies remarking, "I told Ezekiah not to go into the barn," and "Twenty years hence you shall burn and in the burning, be reborn" and "Mother, separate me not from my twine; and do not gawp so."

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Pro Tips: The Art Application

Things to do instead of that art exhibit application with imminent due date:
  • Rediscover Thao Nguyen, and her excellent new release, "A Man Alive"
  • Scrounge around the kitchen for any forgotten chocolate
  • Locate a dubious coconut chocolate cookie recipe to use up a bag of who-knows-how-old sweetened coconut. Leave chocolate chips out as a baking reminder.
  • Take notes on the fussy application requirements. Frown at the monitor repeatedly.
  • Print out one of previous applications, as reference.
  • Wander through rooms to determine how art could shift to accommodate new framed art, but carry printout so that it's almost like you're physically thinking through ideas and phrasing for new application.
  • Eat a quarter bag of chocolate chips.
  • Read pitchfork review of "A Man Alive" and OH MY GOD MERRILL GARBUS produced this album!!! Think about how much of a Tuneyards* jag you used to be on, no WONDER this new CD is great.
  • Wander downstairs to look at your picture book wall. This is actually work and helpful.
  • Pass the chocolate chips, eat remaining quarter of bag. Add chocolate chips to grocery list.
  • Stop yourself from doodling more animal card designs, which are not expected by x date, or requested by, anyone.
  • Resolve to head cafe-ward for higher productivity.
  • At cafe, order neither cupcake, nor cake slab, nor rock-like cookie, as chocolate chip penance.
  • Write a blog post. Queue up "Man Alive" on Spotify, to get you through.

Feeling trapped? Points for asking for help. Points for acknowledging how you got where you are.
* (not going to do the screwy capitals, it's annoying)

Saturday, April 2, 2016

Define Edible. Plus, Groovy new Etsy Banner

Suspicious silence from the far end of the kitchen. The Oyo has been alternately impersonating a keening vine and a mathematician absorbed by a new theorem discovered on the floor. In the quieter moments, I have been cutting up brussels sprouts and tossing together ingredients for muffins which optimistically promise to make 6 adult portions and 6 baby portions.

It's a relief to listen to weekend NPR without a layer of screaming or low-grade whining. However: suspicious. I kneel down to peer at Oyo through the legs of the dining room table and there she is, all limbs wrapped around my hard foam...back thing? What would you call it? Like a pool noodle, but thicker, shorter. I roll on it to ease out the kinked up muscles. So anyway, she is seated, and wrapped around it in a double-hug, as if it were exceedingly precious, or desperate for escape; and is studiously gnawing at it. Somehow I needed the visual to hear the quiet grinding. Intellectually, I am aware that babies eat anything, but unfortunately my emotional side will arbitrarily decide, "Oh she wouldn't eat that~~" Oyo glowers at me as I extract a long sliver of blue plastic from her mouth. A few minutes later, she is hiccuping, and I can't help imagining some smaller blue particles lodged further down.

Edibility contest. Foam:1, Muffin:0
The muffins are eventually ready and I settle us down for the rare fully shared meal. She's not thrilled with the brussels sprouts, but will eat them; and she watches me eating mine. The muffins, however, mark the lowpoint for both of us. She is the first taster -- and tends to wolf down any carbohydrates -- but she lets the first bite sit in her mouth as she experimentally darts her tongue around. My experience is not much better. Healthful and they freeze well! Well. Do I freeze these, for her to not like them in the coming weeks? What kind of adult would eat this cardboard? Zucchini, fine, cheddar fine, end result: bleh.

                           ******
From Wednesday's Super Brief post, which didn't make it to the Finish Line

being a cafe louse at Bona Sera.
Etsy announced they will be redoing everyone's shop, I think primarily to make it more mobile friendly, so the image slots are different, the shop home banner dimensions are different, blah blah blah. I am somewhat thumble thumbs in Photoshop, but here's what I have been working on:




Existing Shop Home Banner


New Etsy Shop Banner, pending minor tweaks

Darker, broodier, mysteriouser. Possibly too dark, and yes it's pushing the limits of busy... That said, I'm geeked!  It reflects where my visual work is now.

Monday, March 28, 2016

On the Brink!, Plus a Message from the Department of Product Development

"We* are at a developmental crossroads." I have been saying this for weeks now, to anyone who seems baby-focused. Or, closer to the truth, to anyone in close proximity for more than twenty minutes or so.  But it feels true; mammoth appetites, mammoth sleeping, random fussiness, almost almost taking a step away, vocalization strings shifting and shifting.

Last week, we hit some new, disquieting territory. We're still in the same neighborhood, but things feel a bit grittier, dodgier: how much time will we be spending here? The O.Y.O.** has most definitely burst into outraged tears when something has been taken away (a doll, a crumb, a bookmark, used tissue) or merely not granted her (one's phone, a serrated knife, keyboard access, a second meal simultaneous with the first). But now, now, she may have an extended crying fit, emerge from it with the aid of a distracting whatsit -- but then comes a moment when her face freezes. An almost visible cartoon bubble forms above her head: "Waiiiiit a minute! I was upset about the thing! The thing is still missing to me!"*** She was almost been duped by happiness, but noooo: she will right this ship; and outraged crying starts anew. Oi.

I can only imagine we are witnessing the birth of tantrums. Woeful, but not like we could sidestep them. My social worker child development friend advised me to refer to them not as "tantrums," but as "dysregulations," because the periods of (...full body demonstrative loudness...) reflect the child's inability to manage their big feelings. The feeling is huge, it needs an outlet, and the child hasn't learned how to manage (/regulate) it yet. Having the episodes is part of them learning how to manage themselves...alrighty. I can see how the different terminology removes the idea of the young one "misbehaving" somehow, when it is developmentally appropriate. But I won't lie, "tantrum" is more satisfying: good shorthand and more descriptive... 

**********************************
 And now a word from the Oyo:
CEO, Archived Stock Photo

RE: Product Development and Enhanced Features

I'd like to take this opportunity to announce last week's limited roll out of Cry Premium ©. While audience size currently prevents statistical analysis, participants fell within target demographic and response has been heartening. I am confident that Cry Premium's © usability will be viable across numerous scenarios, with a varied audience. Early reactions point to --> Resounding Success.

At a glance, Cry Premium ©:
  • 20% louder than Standard Cry ©
  • 33% more shrill 
  • faster ramp-up (from 0-60 in under 10 seconds)
  • feature enhancements include: reddened face, greater full body engagement (back arch, mattress slap, accusatory finger point)
  • Highly customizable duration
  • Pause and re-start function
Early Feedback (participant texts):
"This is terrible, my ears are literally ringing"
"😟 I'll be home soon"
"Good luck to us all"

Watch this Space for Future Announcements, with potential discussion points including: Cry Deluxe© and Howl©
**********************************
*wherein we is indicative of the Baby we, more plebian than the royal we, though no less entitled for its commonness, due to classic maternal hyper-focus and the smallification of one's sphere.
**as in The One Year Old. But I'm lazy. Let's just say Oyo from now on, hey?
***Like the French conjugation of missing, right? I miss you = You are missing to me, which I always liked because it nicely calls up the idea of absence as presence.

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

If I Knew You were Coming, I'd Have Baked a Cake, Baked a Cake

So. Here we are. 10:17 PM, this March 17th. One year ago I had been experiencing labor pains for 18 hours now, morphined* up, but feeling much pain for all that. Javier was bored at this point** and drowsing on his cot. The doula*** massaged my back with every back spasm, and leaned in, if I wanted her to. The original shift nurse who had shunned the doula and ignored her outstretched hand to shake, was long gone (thank god), and other, more open, medical staff wandered through to check vitals, update charts and utter things perfunctory and upbeat. Nooooo, I'm not going to take you through my whole birthing process, but I am surprised that over the last couple of days, I have been experiencing momentary flashbacks. I still don't have that parental sense of "Oh my god, it goes by so fast" exactly, because while this past year did flow more quickly than others, it was also so full, and so boring, and so great, and so everything, that yes, it certainly has felt like a year. When I put her down this evening, it was startling to see how long she has become. Full, too: oooooph! we manage to not say, most times we lift her.

The Baby has been hoodwinked by Daylight Savings Time. Or rather, it has passed her by -- this week, she has crashed around 6, and demanded the breast, even if her solid food schedule disagrees, and is dead asleep before 7:30. It has given me a new lease on the night -- when I was only fully done with her around 9, it was early in the evening, yes, but late to start some new thing of one's own, especially when one has been babying since early morning. So pretty much: a beer, TV or reigning show, wait until Javier appears.

But 7:30? Surely you can get something done, then! This earlier turning in may not last, but so far, I have carved every night, and begun to think (the tiniest bit) beyond the finish of my picture book. Which was part of Javier's & my agreement -- I stay home the first year, I finish the current project as best I can -- and really, there are only the final two pages lacking final sketches now which is A.MAZ.ING. Marketing? Nope, not so much, and aside from some loyal, wonderful friends, audience growth for the blog seems a bit...slow****, but honestly, I have found this difficult to work into a regular schedule. Which all say is paramount for blog readership. In terms of taking it one day at a time, though, it has been absolutely lovely to write a few times this past week. I always feel better writing. If nothing else, it's a satisfying way of existing in the mind, with a little optimism thrown in -- this act, in and of itself, was worth it, in this day it was written. Return to daily existence, in the best possible way.

****
from 2010, but a nice shot of the folks
Hey-ho, March 22nd -- my own Momma's birthday. She succeeded in getting skype to work on her notepad (the ability to do so -- always a question mark) and we skyped while Baby ate her solids. The one-sidedness was a little sad, with Mom going: "HeLLOO BABY, oh you're so PRETTY, you ARE! Hi, Baby! It's your Grandma, I'm your Grandma, Hai!" and the infant (excuse me, One Year Old, heretofore known as O.Y.O. for at least 12 months) rumbling and thrusting her pointer finger in the direction of more hummus and toast fingers. I would have said, "She's pretty hungry," but really -- no more than usual. Like her Mother, it is unlikely she'll ever go on a date and order salad or just an appetizer, in order to appear falsely feminine.***** We will have to counsel her that tripping is a socially unacceptable manner of dealing with people standing in front of one's food. O.Y.O. threw Mom a few smiles and chuckles, once her food was done, so I think everyone was happy.

We had a little O.Y.O. birthday party and man, I am so glad we did! It was all that I hoped for. Thrown together kind of last minute, with some minor ass busting (i.e. cleaning + baking -->  citrus poundcake with citrus glaze, brownie cupcakes with peanut butter frosting, buttercup cupcakes with fudge frosting, a nice little lalala presentation). A flurry of friends, much baby love, some props to us adults for emerging from the first year. Naturally the streamers and honeycomb paper decorations from last week's Target run I put off to the last minute and so remained in their bag. But really, all I need is some kind of nebulous fuss at the key moments in life, and this most definitely qualified. Busy enough that I didn't take any photos at all, though a groovy friend-of-a-friend was scooting around with a serious camera in the background, so I think there is some cool visual documentation. "I thought there would be all kinds of photos," said my Sister, "Pictures of her opening presents and eating cake. I kept waiting, but I didn't see any. And on Sunday, I still didn't see any. It's like the only reason I go on Facebook." I didn't realize our laxness was having a negative impact, but I understand there needs to be an ongoing current of Baby documentation.  

On that note, rustling in the nursery. Is it a portent? Will she awake, wailing and afraid of her shadow? Always the question: is it a glitch or a the start of a phase? In this modern age, babyhood still jettisons you back to reading signs and symbols. This means that; that means nothing; but that there? Means everything's okay.

*Oh my god, Morphine is such a cheat. You think: Oh thank god, the big guns! But no. Heavy curtains, and behind that, underneath it, the pain.
** wise enough not to say this at the time. In his defense: yes, hours and hours of not pushing. If one was not personally experiencing the pain, sure -- boredom.
***Oh my god, if you're pregnant, get a doula. For heaven's sake, get a doula. Have someone give this to you as a gift. 
****Bahahaha, growth. As in: free time really grows once you have a child or freshly baked cookies grow on the free table in the office lunch room or office supplies grow plentiful in a workplace employing dissatisfied librarian types
            -->I love librarian types. And I love useful, organizing items, like office supplies.
            -->And not that I'm bitter. I have slacked, I slack, I may slack again. You get 
            what you give.
***** I think one shoddy excuse for a date said something like,"Wow, I didn't think you'd be able to eat all that. You must have a really good metabolism, haha!"

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Softer, Gentler Trophy Heads a/k/a Don't Go Into that Target

There are things which you do not need from Target, but for which you seek (i.e. Martha Stewarty paper honeycomb balls for a one-year birthday party). Then there are things which you do not need, but which you feel others near to you don't realize they need (i.e. respectably unstained, subtly striped tee shirts), the selecting of which leaves you feeling all "wifey," technical accuracy aside.

Next come the needless Target products which fill you with certainty: one of your friends definitely wants this. But who?
Weirdly perfect, almost. Do they call in the shades to make up-selling inevitable?
Naturally, creating subsequent levels of nifty want-passing-as-need is simply accomplished by strolling more aisles. They have pioneered and cornered the market on products which will make your life a touch more glamorous and stylish and yourself hipper than you were to start. Why deny yourself?*

Having a baby in your cart** is also handy for this endeavor, as you can present newest thing to Baby. Once she laughs, you say, "Oh, you *like* it don't you! I do, too. Yes: we like this."

Pandas vs. Sharks
After your meandering, you eventually arrive in your destination aisle -- the reason for your visit. The selection is less than you had hoped, somehow less sparkly than what you had in mind. The best colors sport empty hooks of nothing. But still, these are the things you need, and you have spent all this wandery time, when else will you go elsewhere? The Baby punctuates your dismay with a sudden bellow (0 to 6, baby disruption scale) and strains her body up against the car seat restraints before flopping back in resignation. She looks at you sourly from within leopard print polar fleece. You toss a handful of decorations at the baby's feet and hustle to the bank of registers, as she repeatedly flings her arms at the plastic bags.

In the aftermath of Target, mild guilt is paired with a longing for more embroidered pillows***. In the balmy air on the back deck, one makes the unfortunate discovery of holes in the new, cheaply-made stuffed animal-pillow hybrid. Bahhhhh! You say, Target! Lamentable throw-away culture! and then you get out a needle and thread instead of driving back to the store. This bout of mending is sufficiently rare for you to get a kick out of using a thimble (a thimble! with a tiny leaf pattern circling its rim); and the early Spring birdsong is riotous. And the bearish pillow-animal has chutzpah, for all his shoddiness. You already envision resting your head on him, in the play yard area, next time you are woefully tired and your child is woefully sprightly.

In the suburban wilds
And a Panda to watch over us

********
 
Picture Book Bonus: At left is one of my current library faves. He is a a lonely shark in the city, who consumes too many detective shows and too many potato chips...but he dreams of being...Shark Detective! The rambunctious kiddo ripped one of the pages while we spoke about being gentle (not really getting this concept yet), but up until then, we had been reading this one a lot. It's really fun! I read it to my Dad on the phone today, and he laughed several times. It makes me wish he were here to read it directly. From the publisher page: "Perfect for fans of Love Monster and Dragons Love Tacos, this sweet and funny story about an unexpected friendship will delight creatures of all ages." I know neither of those titles, but doesn't that spur your interest? Shark Detective by Jessica Olien

*But for the myriad downsides of mass produced chic, including labor conditions, training one's consumer self to buying for the moment rather than the long haul, which one could argue is at the heart of consumerism across the board, right? but here we are in Target, so none of us are radical, or consistently so.
**non-crying preferably, so: either fatigued enough to be slightly glassy-eyed, or freshly rested (and/or fed) so its prone to easy laughter.
***which the Baby also likes, fond as she is of raking her baby nails across embroidered yarn

Sunday, March 13, 2016

This Sunday Brought to You by Winter Hats, Nap Relief, and Relaxing Neighbor Visits

I found the desiccated pea and you took it from me, just as I raised it to my mouth; I found the gravel pellet, showed it to you and you took it from me; I moistened the lint, gummed it and, with a finger hooked into my mouth, you took it from me. I pull myself to standing, rock my hips back and forth, and vigorously point to the table, emitting a low proto-whine and still you do not give me the exact thing that will make things better, the solution to the day, the moment. It is raining outside and cold; there will be no stroller walk and proximity to the crib or changing table makes me cry. The jazz is more spirited than either of us feel.

I found your hat. It was near the red wooden dancing chicken and the blocked off kitchen drawers. I brought it to you, though it impedes my crawling -- I am a three-pronged crawler with a big knit hat sloping down my by torso. You put it on your head and lower it so I can take it off, which I do. Again. I relish it! You can not wear it on your hand. You can not wear it on your hand. Your elbow will not do either: your head! WHAT I can not wear it, I can not see, I wobble and hah! I am free. Again: On your head. On your head. On your head. I give it, you take it, I take it back. I relish it! You set the hat aside: NO. When you stand, I can not reach your head and the hat is on the floor again, this is not the game. You awakened this need in me, you can not abandon it for...what? A cutting board? Must I weep and make myself small, snug myself between your legs and the counter, clutch your pants and sway as if in a gale, staring only at your face? My whole body shakes with the wrongness of you standing, of you robotically opting for food prep over the floor and me and hats. I toss up a volley of B-sounds, I am boiling over with frustration, with protest.

*** There have been 3.5 times the normal crying jags today, making for a somewhat rough Sunday. Happily, the little one tired herself out and is (knock on wood) now napping*. I think she's boiling over with a lot of things just right now -- teething, almost walking, developmental wheels turning.

*She napped for a good long time, huzzah! Woke up a happier, more social baby

Slow progress for the picture book as I can fit it in:

  • finished carving "So they measured and mixed..." last night (at left)
  • two small-but-good adjustments  based on very useful, recent feedback from. So grateful for the help.  Artists and schoolteachers: good people to know!
   A.)  Carved out the eyes in block (on right)  "His Eyes Shone in the Dark"
  B.) Redrew the outside text border of an    early page and transferred the design onto a new block block yesterday (photo to come).
Current tally: three fully carved blocks lined up, ready for the printing
press!

Current escapism:
Another late-to-the-party -- The Honorable Woman: grim, but so very, very good.