Friday, October 9, 2015

My keen desire to sidestep departmental meetings notwithstanding...

Thank you for coming, it's great to see so many faces here. I have called this meeting today because now is a time of much needed change. I hope to provide a positive springboard to address everyone's concerns and to make certain that the changes we implement will be both embraced and contribute to a strong foundation for our continued growth.

First, it has come to my attention that there has been much "watercooler" discussion about the wholesale movement of tall furniture in our department, followed by, shall we say, migrations of individual pieces, without obtaining approval through official channels. I don't want to dwell on this behavior, other than to say that I need to be cc'ed on all such proposals going forward; I should not have to point out that while I will soon be fully mobile, I am not yet. And in order to oversee the daily workings of this organization, I need to be aware of all facets of our physical environment. Preferably by gumming, as this has been deemed the best judge of character.
And moving on ~ M, you're out of turn, as well as invasive. Again, we are all part of a team here. We need to foster communication -- ideate collectively -- and from this we will draw the optimal road map for our future. If we each independently decide to make these little detours, they are just that -- they fritter away energy without advancing our larger goals. M, I will hold your scoopy rod until the next break.

J, please hold your questions, while I take an initial read.

Long end more trustable than scoopy end (but also: gaggy). Does not melt from saliva bath. Lower chewability than giraffe; still affords pleasing resistance. Surface-bangability, but easily leaps to the floor. Taste: dairy-reminiscent, with displeasing foreign trace notes. Color does not affect experience...Speaking of detours! This is a perfect illustration of their hazards: my focus has been completely altered. Let's reconvene tomorrow: until then, consider what you feel to be the most important building blocks for our near-term future. Get creative! Blue sky thinking! Powerpoints permissable if narrated in sing-song.

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