Saturday, October 5, 2019

Your Regularly Scheduled Sleep Will Now Be Pre-empted by This 4 Y.O.

It has been a week of inexplicable night waking, on our daughter's part. Three AM one night, 4:30 the next. She has gotten it in her head that it would be nicer if WE were to wake HER up in the morning, which simply doesn't work, as SHE is the alarm clock. But one morning last week, Rick was up before her (due to an appointment), and murmuring low to her as she woke up, and now she is trying to change the family rhythms. She reminded us a couple times that we could wake her up the next day and we said, ohhh, hmmm, maybe, though you tend to wake up before us~~ which she dismissed. The following day, we awoke to angry crying that we had failed in our alarm clock role. Screaming and gnashing of teeth is obviously unwelcome before coffee. The parents delivered more hard-nosed messages: we would NOT be doing this. She was VERY GOOD at waking US, and this would NOT be happening. Another day. 3 AM: Mommy. Mommy! REMEMBER that you will WAKE ME UP TOMORROW MORNING. 

Mommy: It is the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT! WE have discussed this. We are NOT waking YOU up in the morning ~~

PS Daughter: Mommy! I have to TELL YOU SOMETHING~

Mommy: When you wake up, you may put on your clothes, or come snuggle with us and one of us will get up with you~~


Mommy, being Mommy, then took several hours to fall back asleep. Setting one up for a lovely day with diminished patience and waning coping skills.

Next night, 4:30 AM-- wild card!


Mommy: It's the middle of the night. What's UP?

PS: My tummy? is rumbling. And my lips are shut.

Mommy: Okay.

PS:  I think there's a cricket in my belly

Mommy: There is NOT a cricket in your belly! WE LOVE YOU GO BACK TO SLEEP

PS: Or a little animal

Mommy to Daddy: Oh my F'ing G-d

Daddy to Mommy: I'm goin' in.

And it was very good he did so, as it became apparent that the cricket anxiety was somewhat deep -- if not the cricket itself -- and it's harder than you might think to convince preschoolers of...well, anything. About 98% of the time they are pretty damn sure that they can walk into any given situation and inform everyone else of the underlying rules, any weirdo different dimension exceptions, and how all of it usually leads to them getting a treat to eat. There were no treats in this case. Luckily her stomach rumbled while he was in the room.

PS (whispering): DID YOU HEAR THAT

Daddy: Yes, and you know? My tummy rumbles A  LOT and often sounds like that. You don't have a cricket in there~~

PS (with barely restrained contempt): BUT HOW do YOU know, You're NOT A DOCTOR (quieter) I need to go to a doctor~~

Daddy: Because honey, an animal? Or an insect? If it got all the way into your tummy? It couldn't be alive anymore. It would be dead.

Remarkably, this seemed to calm her. He soothed her a bit, and she went back to sleep. And then we all...eventually...went back to sleep.

Next night, the middle: DADDDDDDDDDDY???

She had a bad dream, a large crow had tried to eat her and myself and so there was more soothing needed. Lots of *something* going on with the girl, which will doubtlessly shake itself out.  In the meantime, sleep while the sleepin's good!


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