Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Mysterious Accents, A Truly Good Box is Hard to Find, Mark of the Beast

Today was just what was needed. A productive, quiet work day at home, followed by some carving, with a resurrected tape of Peter Gabriel's melting face playing next to me on the basement worktable.

I even goaded myself into some dishes and a little straightening. Which does not, however, mean that everything is now in its rightful place. It in no way means that clutter is absent. I am merely the least cluttery member of a very cluttery family.

Here are a couple underlying principles governing my family:

1.) Beware: things could get worse in a way you haven't anticipated. Things are rarely easy; and perhaps they shouldn't be. More succinctly muttered by my Dad: "Don't get excited yet."

2.) Say, this could be useful! Better keep it.

While the first principle doesn't really help with...much of anything, other than staying put and developing worry lines/ulcers/a false sense that one is somehow more prepared for the twists and turns in life, I have never worked to disown this second principle. Since I am quite capable of paring down, I am also happy to acquire. And more importantly, HOLD ONTO. Because you never know. So it's not so much in the obsessive shopping-racking-up-credit-card-bills sense, but more in the I-live-alone-and-my-cupboard-is-always-full sense. The olive oil is half gone? Best to buy another one now, people. Like my mother, I have a twistie tie container. Isn't it annoying to hunt around for the proper sized cardboard box, only to find you don't have it? Well. I imagine it must be.

I remember once my folks showed up from PA to drive me back home from college in MA. My Dad brought a few heavy boxes he had scored from the state store (see also: "party store") to help me pack up my dorm room. "Now these are GOOD BOXES," my Dad said, as he handed them over. "I WANT THEM BACK." Which, hello, Father's daughter, I know better than to go pilfering boxes.

This tendency can easily extend to pretty much any other area of life. And it's at once totally negative (when could this come again? what if it doesn't?) and also strangely optimistic (seeing something's potential and yes, being thrifty). Here we come to: paper scraps.

Lack of Context: Timeframe 
One of the frequent problems of paper scraps is lack of context. When? When did this week of good ideas occur? Nothing stands out. Had I been watching, maybe I could have DONE something with those good ideas! They could have become good plans, or actions! But no. When did I even last have Chinese? Maybe I used it as a weeeee bookmark. Maybe it was stuck to my elbow. Who knows.

Lack of Context Strikes Again: Attribution

I can't remember a time when I didn't jot down remarks people made or strange moments, etc. I also can't remember because my memory is pitiful.

In case my handwriting is illegible, it reads: "I always thought he had kind of an English accent, but I think he was from the South." I mean, pretty funny, right?? Kinda ridiculous. But who on earth said it? I would attribute it to my Mom, as she is the origin of many a comical remark, but heck she's from the South herself.

No Lack, Just Extremism

I found this gem with the expired coupons in my pen/rubber band/spare hammer drawer. Where from? Front door, naturally. I love how religious flier distributors consider themselves exempt from the NO SOLICITATIONS sign, though I guess it does fall in another category. No salvation coupons. Bring a convert, get in free! Hee. Or more accurately, donate a convert.

But really, how can I complain about this? The four-headed leopard-cheetah with wings! King of the jungle...with wings! I can't help but feel the grizzly has gotten short shrift here. He has beady green or grey eyes and looks like he's gumming some bones, but where are his wings? Where, the extra appendages?

Note to flier creators: you're missing opportunities with the water. How about a shark/squid mashup? Could also have horns. Or wings, since they seem popular, though they'd have to be more pteradactyl-ly. Or perhaps you could get some photoshop skills under your belt and really heighten the drama. Doesn't your End-of-Times brochure deserve the very best?

Other things of note, that have kept me from tossing this in the recycle bin:
  • subtitled A Bible Seminar on the Beasts and Our Future
  • All of the seminar times are weirdly specific -- they clearly have a mysterious  significance -- 12:14 1/2 and 7:14 1/2 PM
  • Whatever Happened to Right and Wrong? (I might have them in my basement.)
  • The Mark of the Beast --- 666, Part 1
  • Armageddon and the Seven Last Plagues
  • The Object of the Antichrist's Attack
Whew! So much, packed into one little tri-fold. As well, disturbing that these events occur nearby. Luckily, this took place way back in February, without a detectable rise in Revelations talk. Nevertheless, this could still be useful at some point. Settled: back in the drawer it goes! I'll just nestle it down below the new coupons and take-out menus. All better now.



  1. Marian, you make me laugh...and dig out my dictionary, which I got at an estate sale for 25 cents - it's 5 inches thick, for god's sake, it was worth WAY more than a quarter.

  2. Glad to hear it on both counts, aml! Ooooh how I love a good dictionary. And I love running across new words in novels. :)

  3. Hey, alm! Your photo's so tiny, I didn't realize it was you! Yay.