Sunday, January 20, 2013

Q: When Do You Need a Horn? A: When Your Car Doesn't Have One.

1. Parking Lot Menace
...Or it has been muted, silenced and somehow its entwined with the airbag inside the steering wheel and this would be a grand to fix and really, who needs a horn? "I'm not a horn guy, myself," said Marv, the trusty mechanic. "I haven't honked at anyone in...ten years? We don't live in New York." While that may be true, ever since buying my mostly sweet and wonderful used Subaru, there have been So! Many! Times! a horn would have proved handy! Instead, I am reduced to gripping my steering wheel, variously exclaiming, "HEY!! Hey, Slow!! Don't, not, in front of me, aiiiiigggghh."  "WHOA--HEY!!" This works about as well as you'd expect.

The best/worst scenario so far occurred on Saturday afternoon, in the Plum parking lot, which, for your edification purposes, ranks a 7.5 on the parking menace scale, during weekend hours. Initially no spots seemed to be available, but then there was a sudden boon of two cars backing out just slightly ahead of me. Sweet. They were not the problem. They saw each other, one gave proper way to the other. I sat with, my right blinker on, to claim the next spot. People were taking it slowly, as it felt rather congested. Suddenly, a car parked to my left, decided it would also now begin to back up. More specifically, back up into me. In a few moments she would be impacting both doors, on the driver's side. I couldn't back up: another car was immediately behind me. Shooting forward would mean rear-ending the car whose space I had claimed. What to do? Other than shouting (so helpful), I smacked my palm vigorously against the window. I was harriedly shooting my eyes around, thinking, okay, this is going to happen. This woman is going to crunch into my car and I am stuck. Okay, this is happening. If only I could *make* her see me. If only I had, like, a brightly colored flag.* Thankfully, thankfully, it belatedly occurred to the driver that perhaps it was a good idea to look in her mirrors, whilst maneuvering in a busy lot -- and she halted her car 6 inches away from mine -- and pulled back into her spot. Good god. I had way too much of an adrenaline rush, just to pick up some expensive zucchini and roasted cashews. Eesh.

*Or: something to make a loud noise. That has potential.

2. {Sushi, Chartreuse and} Beautiful Trash
Happily, Saturday night's excursion into Detroit was not marked by any similar urgent horn needs, even though the wind was exceedingly strong and unnervingly whooshed me from one lane to the other twice (no vehicular lane neighbors). On the drive home, the highway was deserted. I swear to you a tumbleweed bumbled toward me, only it did not bounce over my hood and roof, as it would have done in a cartoon, but rather brambled between my wheels and disappeared. This only happened once, unlike the numerous empty plastic blags which kept whipping along and calling the following American Beauty scene** to mind. Alas, I lacked an intense guy riding as passenger, though I did have my current favorite CD keeping me company. {If you don't have Spotify, you can also hear the whole album on YouTube}.

**Wow, this really plays out differently on its own, though I remember loving this film. Was it all so heavy handed and maudlin?  

Speaking of beauty brings us handily back to one of last night's activities: "Beauty is Embarrassing," at the DIA's theater -- a documentary about Wayne White, an artist who was co-designer and puppeteer for the cult fave "PeeWee's Play House"; and whose word paintings gave him entry into the broader "fine art" world. A cool chronicle of an artist imperfectly pursuing his passion. As well, to continue the iffy connection with American Beauty, White prefers to create art from found objects, cast-offs and yes, trash. Bound to inspire discussion if you see it with artists and creative types...Definitely worth a drive. And you *should drive* out to the DIA theater sometime soon, shouldn't you? But here, you're lucky, because you see it and even save gas money: PBS is also going to be showing it on their Independent Lens series, tomorrow night (January 21st). Check it out.

3.) More Tales from the Basement, Told with Snapshot Convenience

Pulled test print yesterday, did a little clean up carving today:


The cupcakes, also distressed by the letters.
Happy Monday, All! Sally forth and slay that beastly work week. Or glory in it. Either way, always a good idea to dust off a few curious words from the attic. Fight corporate blandness! H/T to Azure Grackle.

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